It seems but last night that I stayed up late writing my last entry. Yet the relentless flight of time’s arrow stops for nothing, and no one; it is once again the end of another calendar year. Back from a family vacation, it seems like a good time for an update; also, I want to elucidate on the “romantic exposé” I wrote last time, like I said I was going to do.
Though it’s good to be taking a break from doing schoolwork for the time being, one of the most important things the experience of last semester has taught me is that I have to accomplish important tasks just about every awaking hour of everyday, if I were to reach the goals that I have set for myself. First and foremost among those goals is to stay afloat in law school, as my performance last semester leaves much to be desired. If my performance does not drastically improve this time around, you might as well get out a broom and sweep me out the door. In order to work both harder and more efficiently I’ll need a new, nuanced approach to the whole law school experience. Unfortunately, as it is typical of me, I had to learn my lessons the hard way, and the details of such a new approach came to light only through my errors and mistakes. Nevertheless, I could not imagine gaining valuable insights on how to improve myself in any other way except by slugging through challenges in a high pressure environment. Hopefully I’ll be able to implement a revamped plan in the coming days and provide myself with a better chance of succeeding in the spring.
As for the subject of the last entry, nothing of substance has happened with Claire since. While I made some misjudgments over the course of the semester, not pursuing my romantic leanings in this instance was not one of them. Simply put, I knew I wasn’t in a good position to do anything. There were too many moving pieces in my life during the entire time, as I was charting the best path through law school. Navigating through the challenges of life, both inside and outside of school, was akin to crossing a desert, with one dune to be climbed followed by another, and another. It was in that context that having just the thought of her helped me a great deal.
As I alluded to last time, I sensed something extraordinary in her as soon as we met. In addition to those feelings I described in a somewhat fancied fashion, I felt that she already had the various parts of her life pieced together and that she was ready to move forward full steam ahead. In other words, she was already in a position that I was striving so hard to be in. As early as two weeks into the semester I felt that my initial hunches about her were completely confirmed by my observations. Since I have hardly spoken to her, and really don’t know the first thing about her, not for sure anyway, those impressions can still be wrong, though I highly doubt it.
In any case, knowing the position that she was in made it even more abundantly clear that the first order of business for me was to straighten out the various parts of my life. Her image was like a mirage standing and waiting in the distant sands, inspiring and urging me forward. Tangible aspects about hers, such as whether she was/is involved already (most likely), became less important than simply the idea of her being there. At this point, it feels as though I’m finally standing at the edge of the barren wasteland, and a new phase of my journey is about to begin. There are still numerous obstacles to overcome, of course, but whatever lies ahead is much preferred over the desolation of the arid sands, and I’m glad to have made it this far. Without a doubt, part of my motivation for forging ahead was chasing after the mirage that my mind created. How will Claire react if she finds out she’s being compared to a mirage? Now that’s an interesting query.
